I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
