Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
