sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
