Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
