dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
