the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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