I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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