the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
