I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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