there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
