That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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