Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
