New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
