hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
