Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
