i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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