I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
