after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
