I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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