What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're like the curious george of whores
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
