i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
