I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
