I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
