On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
