apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
