i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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