don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
