i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
