i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
