i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
