Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
