you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
