I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
