Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
