Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
