false alarm. still invincible.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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