How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
