you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
