Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
