I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's blow job season.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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