I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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