I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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