I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we're making bets on your personal life
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
