No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
