Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
