there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
