woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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