how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
