Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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