once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
