it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
